Hugs Are Important

When I visited Connor’s school this year, things felt different. I mean there were the obvious changes, the hand sanitizer, the masks, the signs about not using the drinking fountains. But more subtle was the distance between people. When I stopped to ask students what they were working on, I stayed back farther than I normally do. When I talked to the teachers, we were always mindful of 6 feet between us. People are being cautious.

As they should be.

But when I stepped into Connor’s classroom, I had the best reminder of the pandemic. Distance is hard. And hug are important. He has the most amazing teacher. I have admired her for many years. She has a warmth and a caring that is palpable when you step into her room. Nothing about that has changed.

After a brief visit, when I shared that Connor was my nephew and my godson, she told Connor that he could give me a hug.

We both paused.

I was standing far away from him…at least 6 feet. We were both in masks. It was unlike any visit to his classrooms I’ve made over the years. Connor Day my sister calls it. At the suggestion that he could, in fact, give me a hug, we both stopped and looked at each other. We were both analyzing the risk.

As I’ve talked to people in recent weeks about what is causing them stress, one of the most common responses has been the fatigue involved in making every little decision.

Is it safe for my child to go to the neighbor’s house?

Is it safe to eat out on a patio when the closest table is far away?

How will we celebrate Thanksgiving? Christmas?

No decision is easy anymore. We want to be safe. We want to keep the people we love safe.

In that moment, Connor and I had to weigh the options. In the end, with neither of us having any symptoms, having been around anyone with any symptoms, both wearing masks, both healthy overall, we decided to give each other a hug. It was quick. But it was every single thing I needed.

When people ask me what I miss the most right now, I tell them movie theatres and hugging my parents.

I have said before that I would never, ever advocate doing anything unsafe. We have to mask up and avoid crowds and wash our hands. And I can’t hug my parents. And it sucks.

But I can use video calls to stay connected. I can wear a mask and keep my distance and catch up with my parents on their front porch.

And in that moment I could hug Connor.

“Hug” the people you love. It might not be an actual hug. It might be a phone call or a Facetime or homemade cookies dropped off on their doorstep. Find ways to show the people you love that we are still connected in all of the ways that matter.

The decisions are hard, but we can do hard things.

Toxic Positivity- a reflection

Much has been written and shared lately about toxic positivity. Psychology Today defines it as keeping positive and keeping positive only…focusing on positive things and rejecting anything that may trigger negative emotions.

I get the pushback on that. I really do.

We need to fully feel our feelings. We need to cry when we are sad. We need to hurt when we have been injured. We need to be angry when we have been wronged.

It is not healthy to ignore any of those emotions. No one should tell us to smile through our pain or to ignore our hurt.

That would be toxic.

But sitting in those feelings for too long without finding a way through it is toxic as well. Pushing aside the laughter and the joy because it feels disingenuous when we are also suffering is not helping us recover. Avoiding our friends, reading too much social media, and focusing solely on the negative is not the road to healing.

We are all wrestling with months and months of isolation and fear and pressure and anger. There is nothing wrong with feeling negativity.

And there is nothing wrong with focusing on positivity.

I am grateful to the people in my life who have reached out in the last few weeks to talk about this. I knew that re-entering this space would provoke conversation. No one has been hostile or combative. They have simply asked how I reconcile my focus on positivity with all of the posts about toxic positivity.

It is not always easy.

But there is research around the healing effects of focusing on happiness and gratitude. I have experienced it firsthand. And I have experienced anxiety and depression that no amount of positive thought could undo.

We owe it to ourselves and to the people we love to seek help when we need it. It takes enormous strength to reach out for help. “Happiness is a choice” is not always true for everyone at every moment. There is nothing wrong with that.

And there is nothing wrong with spending our energy focused on being positive. We don’t need to apologize for wanting to be happy and for wanting the people in our lives to be happy.

I wish all of this was easier. It is anything but easy. But my plan is to continue to get help when I need it and to continue to focus on being positive and happy.



You Can’t Cancel Halloween

I have heard so many people speculate on whether or not Halloween will be canceled due to COVID.

I have told each and every one of them the same thing. “You cannot cancel Halloween.”

We can cancel trick-or-treating. We can cancel parties and parades. We likely should.

But Halloween is not only those things.

Yes, when I tell people why it is my favorite holiday, free candy may have a little something to do with it. 

But really it is about the joy and the fun of pretending to be something magical or whimsical or fantastical. It is about spending time outside in the spectacular fall weather and enjoying the sights and sounds of this time of year. It is about carving a pumpkin, making cups full of dirt and worms made of crushed Oreos and gummy candy.

You can’t cancel any of that.

I said last week that I am done focusing on what I can’t do. This is my favorite time of the year, and I intend to enjoy my favorite holiday in style!

I will always make safe choices. I will always encourage you to do the same. We need to maintain distance and wear masks and wash our hands.

But we also need to celebrate and enjoy the things we love the most.

I have seen our students find safe ways to dress up and enjoy an entirely new kind of Homecoming. I have seen our music teachers film the most incredible outdoor concerts, so our students have a chance to perform for others. I have seen example after example of people finding new ways to safely do the things they love.

We are creative, resilient people. And we will not cancel Halloween.


Looking in the Mirror

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

No, it’s not Christmas. It’s October. Pumpkin spice, rustic leaves, sweatshirt and shorts weather.

I’ve written every year about October. There is this feeling of warmth and of settling in to cozy things. Hot drinks replace lemonade, and the leaves catch fire.

But there has also been a stress in schools every year at this time. Wrapping up a quarter, conferences, and an end to the honeymoon that comes at the start of every year adds stress. I’ve written about it so many times.

But this year is different.

This year we are mired down by a virus and an election and unrest. This year has been hard…

and I went quiet.

I have not posted a blog since June. Honestly I have been nervous to post. I’ve been worried that my voice in the world would just add to the sometimes angry discourse happening on social media. But writing is how I process the world. This blog is where I am my most vulnerable and my most transparent. Without it, I’ve lost a little piece of myself.

No more.

Has this year been a challenge? Without question. But it has also been filled with weddings and babies and music and laughter.  I have watched Netflix and camped and even saw a play outside with my parents.  I will no longer quiet my voice.

Every single day is a gift…even in 2020.  If we spend our time focused on what we can’t do or what we have to do or what has changed or what we’re missing because of COVID, then we will miss all of the good happening around us.  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.  We need to live today to its fullest!

For me, that has always meant a pumpkin pie blizzard in my favorite month of the year…and this blog.

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” Anne of Green Gables


Six Degrees of Separation

I am someone who expresses her thoughts through words, and I’ve been at a loss for what to say.  Our world is fractured. Our connections, already strained because of quarantine, feel further disrupted by the unrest after the killing of George Floyd. Peaceful protests. Unrest. Riots. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “riots are the language of the unheard.”  Google it.  He didn’t just say it once.  He said it many times because it was necessary many times.  You’ll find it referenced over and over because this is far from the first time we have found ourselves in this situation.

I wish this time was different.  I hope this time is different.  A black man or woman is killed.  People express sadness and anger and fear.  Others unite around them.  We move on.  It happens again.  And again.

I don’t know what to say.

I don’t know what to do.

But I know that I have to start with myself.  I know that I have to listen more, read more.  I know that I have to be willing to confront my white privilege, my white fragility, my own racism.  It is time to look inward.

If riots are the language of the unheard, then listening is a good place to start.

I’ve been reminded recently that when our view of racism is limited to the obvious, horrific, blatant examples, we risk missing the larger, systemic racism.  When we rationalize that only a few hateful, bad people are guilty of being racist, we risk missing the larger, systemic ways we could be contributing to the problem and to the solution.

I contribute to the problem, and I can contribute to the solution.

Listen.  Action is critical right now, but action ill-informed is not helpful.

Read.  Action is critical right now, but action based solely on our limited knowledge and perspective is not helpful.

Commit to self-reflection.  Look inward.  Accept that we are all in a different place on this journey, and that we all have a responsibility to seek answers.

We need each other.  We need to find ways to learn from each other and to appreciate each other. Never have I ever been more acutely aware of how much I need humankind.  Six feet apart is hard.  But the idea of six degrees of separation is hopeful.  If we are all linked to every other person by six or fewer connections, then we can tackle these seemingly insurmountable issues.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to say.

But I am committed to learning and to listening and to taking action.



I’m tired.

I was on a Zoom this week (oh, how I am ready to stop saying that) when a friend and mentor said he was tired.  There was a visible shift on the faces of the people in the meeting.  It was permission.  To exhale.

March 12th seems like a lifetime ago.  The Thursday before Spring Break was intense.  That week the pandemic became real in our country.  The NCAA tournament ended abruptly prompting a string of major cancellations.  We started the week trying hard, based on the ever-changing information available, to maintain a sense of calm.  We tried to keep things as normal as possible as the world seemed to spin out of control.

By Thursday we canceled school on Friday.

And we never returned to our buildings.

But we did return to teaching after break.  We took a day to steady ourselves, to catch up on any needed training, and to prepare for what we now know would be 8 weeks of remote learning.  And boy did we nail it!

Now, it is time to rest.

Parents, you need a break.  Thank you for keeping your children safe and cared for and loved.  Thank you for sorting through all of those emails and making schedules and figuring out the math and the physics.  Please stop comparing your experience to anyone else’s.  Stop judging yourself when you see those Facebook posts of the moms teaching their children a new language or the dads baking cookies.  We never see the full story on social media.  We each had our own unique situation through this, and we all did the very best we could.  You rocked it!  Now rest.

Students, you need a break.  Thank you for not checking out.  Thank you for logging in and checking Classroom and posting to SeeSaw and showing up for stay-in-your car parades.  Thank you for caring about your learning and for stepping up in ways no other students have ever had to do.  Yesterday was graduation day!  Seniors, there aren’t enough words to say how sorry we are that you lost spring concerts and sports seasons and proms and, at least for now, an in-person graduation.  You have all shown strength and courage and grace like no one could have imagined.  You showed the world what this generation can do, and we are proud beyond measure of who you are!  You rocked it!  Now rest.

Finally, I am overwhelmed as I write this to our teachers and our administrators and our food service and our custodians and our support staff, all of whom stepped up in ways I could never have imagined.

More than 300,000 meals have been served.  Five days a week our food service staff has been providing curbside pick-up breakfast and lunch to support our students in this challenging time.

More creative and engaging Meet and Zoom sessions have been conducted than anyone could count.

Concerts were performed remotely.  Auditions and try-outs still happened.  There was a spring play.  Meetings with parents went on.  May Baskets were still delivered, and there was even a field day.

And my daughter, an SLP in one of our schools, taught preschool with her team through her computer.  Can you imagine?

To say you rocked it doesn’t do it justice.  You knocked it out of the park.  Ten weeks ago I blogged that “you’ve got this.”  I had no idea!  Never, ever, ever underestimate an educator!  Thank you!  Thank you for caring so much.  Thank you for never giving up on what we do.

Now rest.  You need a break.




Tony Is Wearing a Tie

…and his name badge

One of the funniest moments on a recent Zoom was when a friend stopped the meeting right in the middle of it and said, “Can we just pause for a minute and ask why Tony is wearing a tie.”  I work with someone who gets up everyday and puts on a dress shirt, a tie, and his badge.  Even though he is working remotely.

It helps him maintain some sense of normalcy in a time that feels anything but normal.

But is there really such a thing as normal?

I want to start by saying that it is okay to not be okay right now.  People are sick.  People are dying.  People are losing their jobs.  People are staying home and feeling isolated or going to work and feeling scared.  

Of course we are not okay.

But it’s also worth noting that it is always okay to not be okay.  We don’t need a global pandemic for permission to feel sad or scared or angry or depressed or anxious.

Or happy.

Usually we are okay.  Sometimes we aren’t.  That’s normal.

This is not a “new normal” as some have called it.  This is just what is happening to us right now.   I think we have a unique opportunity to teach this to our children.  Every day is different.  Some are easy.  Some are hard.  Years ebb and flow, and obstacles arise that throw us completely off course. 

We face challenges, and we overcome them.

If resiliency is one of the things our children learn through this, they will be better for it.  This is likely not the first, and definitely not the last challenge they will face.  Hopefully they will not be on a global scale again, but no one’s life is free of obstacles.

It’s healthy for our children to see us struggle.  It’s normal.  It’s also healthy for them to see us persevere.  It’s normal.  It’s also okay for them to see us reach out for help.  That is most definitely normal.

So wear a tie.  Or don’t.  Curl up on the couch and watch Netflix or go for a walk or eat a giant tub of ice cream.  Or don’t.  Find what feels normal today.  

There was a before and there will be an after. That’s always the case. Today is today.  Take it for what it is.


When you try something new, there is almost always a honeymoon phase.  The first few weeks of a diet when you are excited to see those pounds fall off.  The first few weeks in a new house when painting and cleaning and organizing is fun.  The first few weeks of a new relationship before you have the inevitable fight.  The first few weeks, motivated, excited, ready to try anything.

And then it gets real.

Now these first few weeks have been anything but easy.  They have been hard.  They have been never done this before, don’t have the skills or knowledge to do this, trying to work and parent and redesign everything we know about quality instruction hard.

But there has also been a joy and an enthusiasm reminiscent of the first few weeks of a school year.  We are setting new routines.  Teachers are getting to know their students in this new environment.  Students want to be there.  The connection is welcome in a world that has felt so disconnected.  It feels a lot like August, the beginning of this new type of school year.

But September and October are probably coming,

There is a dip each year when the honeymoon ends and the real work begins.  Students lose some enthusiasm and other things start to take their focus,  Behaviors increase.  Learning gaps and access and equity issues become more evident.  We will not be immune to this.  The honeymoon will end.

But this is what I know.  Every year without fail, as students disengage and get a little naughty, as parents get tired of studying spelling lists or setting aside time for homework, as the content gets harder and the frustrations grow, teachers shine.  They use relationships to keep students motivated.  They scaffold and differentiate and make accommodations and provide interventions.  They build in days where students just reflect and have fun.  They excuse things and they give extra time and they allow for all of the special circumstances that are always there for our families.  Those special circumstances are certainly there now.

We are in emergency remote learning.  We are in triage.  This is not a normal year.  This is not blended learning or online learning as they are defined in a traditional year.  There is nothing traditional about any of this.  No one expects us to cover the same amount of material, to assess with the same level of rigor and accountability, or to perform at the same level of awesomeness that we normally do.

But awesome it has been.  Our students are engaging and working and learning.  Our parents are pushing themselves harder than anyone could’ve expected.  And our teachers are doing things no one has ever had to do before.  Please, please continue to show each other grace.  Please, please continue to show that grace to yourself…and to the big and little people living in your house.  We all need it right now.

Go outside this week.  Sit in the sun.  Pause and reflect.  You have done hard things well.  You’ve got this!


No March Madness. No NBA. No CWS. And on and on and on.

This has been an unusual week. How’s that for an understatement? We watched in confusion and anger and fear as event after event was modified and then canceled. It was almost impossible to keep up with the changes. Planning became more about revising, and business as usual became impossible.

Schools across the world are experiencing rapid and unprecedented change. Social distancing, a phrase most of us didn’t even know a month ago, is leading to school closures here and abroad.

So what does it mean for us, for our schools, for our students? It is indeed unprecedented.

It means that at some point this year we may be teaching online. Learning may move from face to face in a classroom to activities that can be done from home. And while we have added access to devices and professional development around digital learning and SeeSaw and Google Classroom and more engaging tools than I could name, we still rely on contact and conversation and caring to build relationships with our students.

That cannot change.

While we build lessons and make videos, while we design eLearning to teach our standards, while we employ creative assessment measures, we will also focus on our students’ emotional well-being …and our own.

Give yourself, and those around you, enormous grace in the coming weeks. Everyone is walking a new path. Take risks. Try new things. Try again when it doesn’t work the first time. This is our chance to model a growth mindset for students. They’ll understand when our Google Meet flops or our video isn’t perfect. Practice over perfection. They’ll stick with us as we try, just like we stick with them.

I don’t know what the next few weeks will bring, but I know that teachers and school administrators are resilient, compassionate, and dedicated. I know that our teams are working hard to find ways to support, nurture, calm, and yes, educate our children. Never underestimate an educator!

Hello Sunshine

I  am currently obsessed with audio books, and the Reese Witherspoon Book Club (Hello Sunshine) has provided more than its share of entertainment.  The books are great, but it is the bigger context that I appreciate more.

Movies are my thing.  I see them all.  (Well, that’s not completely true.  I am not a horror movie girl.  But I see the rest.)  And Reese has figured out the secret to amazing movies and mini series.  Find the best books.  Buy the rights.  Make the movie yourself.

After the success of Legally Blonde, she made sure to be a producer on the sequel.  But it was Wild where she discovered her current formula for success.  Book.  Rights.  Movie.

Gone Girl

Big Little Lies

Little Fires Everywhere

Something in the Water

Reese has spoken openly about the trajectory of her film career before the formula.  “Mostly forgettable movies.” The scripts she was getting were not what she wanted to make.  So she started making her own films.  Amy Adams is doing the same thing.

There is a lesson for us in the formula.  Less in the formula, I suppose, than in the importance of finding your own formula.

Find your own projects.  Be your own producer.

Sometimes it can feel like life is happening to us.  Like we are less in the driver’s seat and more in the backseat.  Unless I am on vacation, I have never wanted to be the one letting others take the lead.  I guess that’s why Reese and Amy and all of the CEOs and politicians and other strong women saying, “My turn,” inspire me.

Find your book.

Buy the rights.

Make your film.

Still So Much to Learn

When you blog, and your 50th birthday falls on the day you publish every week, there is some pressure to get it right.  I’ve been turning it over in my mind for awhile, adding to a list of “50 things I’ve learned.”

Be kind.

Be curious.

Say yes.

Say you’re sorry when you are.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It is not okay to not try to get better.

Ask for help.

If you want people to remember your birthday, tell them it’s coming.


Confidence is not about knowing you will always get it right.  Confidence is about being comfortable knowing that sometimes you will fall down and being okay with that.

Worry makes no sense.  It can’t change the past, and it doesn’t shape the future.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”  Envy of another person will eat you up.

I am enough.

You are enough.

But the more I wrote, the more I realized that I have learned none of this on my own.  I have an amazing family who has been teaching me my whole life.  I have friends and colleagues and mentors who are incredible models for me and who tell me when I’m wrong.  I have gotten many, many things wrong.

But I keep learning.

So instead of working more on the list of things I’ve discovered, I am giving myself grace to acknowledge how much I still have to learn.  I am young.  There is time.

My Complicated Relationship with February

Sometimes people refer to it as the F Month.  We are deep in the gray of winter.  The cold has set in hard, and the sun rarely peeks through the clouds.  In schools we have conferences and staff development and plays and basketball games and wrestling meets and Board meetings and on and on.  It’s a busy time.  And spring seems a long ways away.


But it is also my birthday month.  Birthdays are a big deal to me.  (Many of you know this.)  I am grateful for getting old.  As they say, it is a gift denied to many.

I got a text from a friend Saturday morning wishing me Happy Birthday Month.  I got the first of what I know will be a daily email from another friend wishing my Happy Birthday Month.  People are so kind and so thoughtful and so caring.  Birthdays are a reminder that our lives are filled with people who love us.

It was also warm this weekend.  The sun was shining, and it was fun to be outside.  There was still plenty of beautiful snow with sun bouncing off it, but you could feel that winter would not last forever.  I know it’s far from over, but we got a taste of it.  It will come.

See why I have a complicated relationship with February?

So much bleak.

So much joy.

I blogged in November about embracing the cold.  I was committed to enjoying my boots and my coat.  I was eager for the snow.  My attitude was good.  I wish I could say that I’ve never wavered from that attitude, but that wouldn’t be true.  Too many days without sun gets to most people.

But February is here.  Spring is near, and it is a leap year.  One extra to celebrate.


Polite. Respectful.  Considerate in manner.

I work with someone who is very courteous.  I work with many courteous people, but one in particular inspires me to be more polite.  I was in a meeting with him this week, and he got up in the middle of it to close the blinds in the room.  The sun was shining in someone’s eyes.  Not his eyes.  Someone else’s eyes.  He didn’t close the blinds to help himself.  He closed the blinds to help someone else.  He didn’t comment on it.  He didn’t make it a big deal.  He simply got up and did it.  I’m not even sure anyone else noticed it.

It shouldn’t be old fashioned to be polite.

It shouldn’t be unusual to go out of your way to hold a door.

It should be commonplace.  It should be the way we all behave.  Polite and respectful should be the norm.

I am not venturing into conversations about politics or social media or any of the many other things around which we could discuss civility.  I am truly just talking about the way I want to behave on a day to day basis with the real people I know and with whom I spend my time.  I want to be more polite, more respectful, more considerate in manner.  I want to do small things without being asked, without expecting thanks.

There is great strength in quiet graciousness.


Cloudy Skies

My drive to work takes me up a hill heading east.  Depending on the time of year, I often get a firsthand look at the sunrise.  Some mornings the sunrise is beautiful.  And some mornings the sunrise is downright spectacular.

Have you ever noticed that the best sunrises (and sunsets for that matter) happen when we also have the best scattering of clouds.  Of course there is science behind the sunrise.  When the sun is closer to the horizon, the blue light scatters and the red light comes through.  The real magic though happens when the sunlight bounces off the clouds.  Pay attention the next time you see an amazing sunrise.  There will also be a healthy number of clouds.  I am grateful for those clouds.

Like in life.

There have been plenty of times in my life when I have wished for clear skies with no clouds.  Life can get complicated, and it is human nature to wish for clear skies.  But none of us get clear skies all the time.  Life happens.  In those moments it can be helpful to remember that the most beautiful sunrises come when the sky is filled with a healthy scattering of clouds.

As we move into the second semester of the year, a time that usually goes faster than I can comprehend, I wish you clear skies.  Of course I do.  But I also wish you the perspective of the sunrise.  The clouds in our lives are often the reason the sunrises shine so brilliantly.





Embracing the Cold

Fall is my favorite season. As the temperatures cool and the leaves start to turn, my heart is happy. Pumpkin pie blizzards and high school football. Shorts and sweatshirts. Light jackets and hoodies. Halloween. It’s the best time of the year.

But this week I watched the last games of the season at Buell Stadium. I started planning for Thanksgiving. I drove through snow.

Winter is coming.

This year I am trying something new. Instead of complaining about the cold, I am working hard to embrace the new season. I bought a new hat. I broke out all of those tiny bottles of hand lotion as the air turns dry.

I read this week that if you choose not to enjoy the snow you will have less joy and the same amount of snow.

It’s a good point.

Winter is for curling up on the couch with a fire roaring binging Netflix. It’s for reading those books that have been piling up on the nightstand. It’s for going to bed early and taking naps.

If the sun is out for fewer hours, maybe we should be too. Maybe nature is telling us this is our time to rest and to recharge.

This year I am trying very hard to embrace the cold.

Time moves fast enough. There is no reason to wish away a single season.

Be a Brad

Kid President is back. After a well-deserved break from the spotlight, Robbie and Brad are back to tell stories of awesomeness. And my heart is happy.

There is a reason we all fell in love with Kid President. We needed him. We needed his joy and his energy and his unwavering belief in the goodness of people. We needed to be reminded that we are all awesome! (And that corn dogs are good.)

Everyone needs to go back and watch the original Pep Talk.

And everyone needs to watch this preview of things to come.

Robbie says that people ask him all the time how they could become a Kid President. His response? “Get yourself a Brad!”

Brad is Robbie’s brother-in-law. Kid President was Brad’s idea. He came up with the idea for many reasons, but mostly, he says, so he could spend more time with Robbie.

I think when I was younger I wanted to be Kid President. I wanted to be the one in the spotlight. Now, I want to be Brad. I want to be the one who shines a light on other people. I want to be the one who finds awesomeness in others and helps them tell their story.

We make the world a better place by focusing on others. We shine brightest when we are helping others shine their light.

Kid President is everything I want for the young people (and the not-so-young people) in my life. He is the embodiment of hope. And Brad, he is the heart and the magic behind it all. Not in the spotlight himself, but shining brighter for the light he is helping others shine.

”Make the world a little more awesome!”

Be a Brad!

How Are You?

I have a conflicted relationship with the phrase, “How are you?”

As a social norm, the phrase is like saying “Bless you” after someone sneezes. It’s a habit, expected almost, but it doesn’t actually mean what we say.

“How are you?” is a real question with a real answer, one that we rarely take the time to hear.

It’s important to ask people how they are doing. People want to be heard, to be known. We can brighten someone’s day by asking and by giving some of our time to really listen to the answer.

Don’t take a greeting for granted.

This week when you ask someone how they are, wait for an answer. If it’s not the right time to really talk about it, consider “Good Morning” instead.

You Are Loved

A friend asked me this week why it all has to be so hard, and I honestly didn’t have an answer for her. But it is. Life is hard. Not all the time, not even most of the time. But some of the time life is very, very hard.

I think we have to be honest about that. I think we have to acknowledge that sometimes we are sad or angry or overwhelmed. Sometimes we are scared. Sometimes we feel alone even when those we love surround us. Life can seem almost unbearable at times.

We can feel that way and still be positive people.  We can acknowledge that and still know that life is good and things work out.

Today I just want you to know that you are loved. You are valued and treasured beyond understanding. You are seen. You are known.

Today may be hard, but it will get better.

Today you may feel despair, but you will feel hope.

It might not be tomorrow, but hopefully soon. Just know that it will get better.

There is help. There are people in your life who will listen, and there are professionals who can support you whenever you need it. Asking is not showing weakness. Asking is showing enormous strength.

There are lots of questions in the world that I cannot answer. There are so many things I do not understand. But I know this. You are loved. You are seen.

Lift Each Other Up

A few weeks ago my daughter shared that she is being intentional about telling other women when she notices things about them. Instead of just thinking that they look nice or they handled something well or they went out of their way to do something kind, she is telling them.

Twice in the last week I had another woman tell me than she liked my outfit. Total strangers. It felt great!

I need to be more intentional about lifting others up.

Friday night I had a teacher thank me for pushing her outside of her comfort zone. She is the one who embraced a new challenge, and she was thanking me. It made my week.

I know that this advice applies to men and women alike. But sometimes the universe seems to be writing this blog for me, and in the last two weeks it has been reminding me how important it is that women support each other and lift each other up.

My daughter shared that she is focusing on this. Then a friend posted this the very next day.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

I will never be as pretty as she is.

Her hair is so much cuter than mine.

She is smarter than I am.

I wish I was as clever, as thoughtful, as successful, as fit, as beautiful…as she is.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

All I have to be today is the best version of myself. All I have to aspire to be tomorrow is an even better version of myself.

You are beautiful.

You are smart.

You are capable beyond measure.

You matter. And you are loved.

Thank you to all of the people who have built me up over and over and over. My goal is to do that for others.

TSA Pre✔️

I love to travel.  Well, I love to explore new places, but the actual getting there part is not much fun.

I decided it was time to apply for TSA Pre✔️.  It’s a straightforward process. You apply online, then you get an appointment time to go in for fingerprints and a background check.

Of course right now the Omaha office is technically closed.  It “closed” August 1, but TSA is giving them until the end of September to find a new location.  So there aren’t any appointments being scheduled after September 30th, and the appointments up to that point are almost impossible to get.  So I was a walk-in.  Here’s how that works.  You arrive at the office, sign-in, and they try to work you in between the appointments that are scheduled every 10 minutes.  If a scheduled appoint time arrives, they go ahead of you.  It can be quite the wait.

I learned all of this the first time I stopped in.  The mood in the waiting room was ugly.  The tension was palpable. The woman working at the desk, frazzled and frustrated from a day full of cranky people, walked me through it.  She also told me that the first 30 minutes and the last 30 minutes of the day have no scheduled appointments.  Those are your best options.

The next week I tried again.  I arrived 15 minutes before they opened.  I was first in line.  Looking good.

Then the next person arrived and got in line behind me.  Then a father and daughter.  She was wearing a Bennington sweatshirt.  Then another woman.  By the time the office opened, only one person works the first 30 minutes, there were 6 of us in line.

At first we were quiet.  Then at one point the woman asked the girl in the sweatshirt if she went to Bennington.  It started a conversation.  Soon we were all talking.  When the woman arrived to open the office, we were relaxed and friendly.  We greeted her, and we acknowledged that her job has to be a challenge.  There was a visible change in her demeanor.  She softened.

We signed in, and it took about 10 minutes for the lone employee to get us all signed in and then go back and get her computer ready to start the day.  I was first.  In and out in 10 minutes.  The man behind me got in and out.  By then the appointments had started.  I have no idea how long the other 4 people waited.

But I do know that the mood in the waiting room was different.  I know that each person who came in felt something different than the people walking in the week before.

Attitude is contagious.

The 6 of us in line made a choice.  We chose to be kind to each other.  We chose to be kind to the woman who has what I can only imagine is a challenging job.  We chose not to let the line, the inconvenience, the wait, define our attitude.  We chose to be pleasant.  We chose to be happy.  And that attitude spread.

There will be times in our lives when we are not able to happy.  There are for me. In those times, I hope we seek help.

But there are times every single day when we do have a choice.  Choose to be happy.  It’s contagious.

There’s Nothing New to Say

I read two articles this week in a magazine that I enjoy. They were spot on. One talked about the power of movement and exercise in helping people heal from trauma and PTSD. The other spoke powerfully about the need we all have to carve out time for our health and well-being. They were well written, and they resonated with me.

But they were not new ideas.

Far from it.

I’ve read countless articles and books and blogs about the same ideas. I’ve written plenty of them, so what struck me the most was the idea that there is just nothing new to say.

So why write? Why put our voices out into the world if we are simply restating ideas that have been shared time and time again?

Be kind. There’s nothing new about that message.

Take care of yourself. Nothing new there.

Respect people.

Respect yourself.

Work hard at things you love.

Spend time with the people who are important to you.

Nope. Not new.

And yet still worthy of thought and voice. We forget. We hear something new based on what’s happening in our life. We are reminded that the simple ideas are often not simple to live.

Do I hope that someday I will have something to share that leaves an impact long after I’m gone? Do I hope that someday I will find a way to craft a message that inspires others in a way they have not been before?

Of course. I think anyone who writes does.

But in the meantime, I am just happy to share my voice as it is.

And I am especially grateful for all of you who put your voices out into the world over and over again. You have meaningful, purposeful, impactful things to say. Even if someone else has said them before.

And so do I.

Someone asked me recently why I’m still blogging after all these years. It’s been almost 5 years now. That’s a lot of blogs. I haven’t gotten famous. I’ve never had anything “go viral.” So what’s the point?

The point is that each and every one of us has a voice, has a story, and those stories are worthy of taking flight.

Luke Perry

Meryl Streep is in the new season of Big Little Lies. On the press tour the other actors in the series shared stories of meeting her for the first time. They were nervous, star-struck.

One of them told a story of their first encounter. When it was done, he just stood there. Another actor approached him and said, “It’s okay, I saw the whole thing. You did okay.”

The other actors in the show are Nicole Kidman, Reece Witherspoon, Laura Dern, and on and on. And they were nervous, star-struck.

Last weekend I saw the new Quentin Tarantino movie. It is full, beyond full, of big name cameos. Al Pacino, Bruce Dern, Dakota Fanning, Damian Lewis.

And Luke Perry.

Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio star in the movie. I can’t think of two bigger actors today than Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. On the press tour for the film, they talked about seeing Luke Perry on set. They were star-struck, nervous. He was the cool kid from 90210 when they were growing up.

Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Because we are all just people.

As we start a new school year, our classrooms will be filled with children, young and old, who are nervous and scared.

Will I fit in?

Will people like me?

Will anyone sit with me at lunch?

We are all asking those questions. Student athletes, crossing guards, scholars, freshman, third graders. Boys. Girls. Students. Teachers.

Everyone wants to belong. Everyone, even Reece Witherspoon and Brad Pitt, want to fit in with the people they admire. Our job as educators is to help our students feel safe, feel valued, feel like they belong.

Learn your students’ names as quickly as you can.

Learn what is important to them.

Look for the ones who might be sitting alone at recess or at lunch.

Reading, writing, and math are critical to student success. But so is well-being. As we kick off the year, remember “Maslow before Bloom.” The first days of school are all about building the culture that will allow for the learning.

#BeKind so you can #TeachUP

Be THAT Person

I’m old. I don’t say that to bemoan my 49 years or my aging joints or my grey hairs. I value all of those things. I truly believe that every day is a gift, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to get old.

I also don’t really think 49 is old. I am active and energetic and engaged in amazing work and play so are all of friends. I’m (mostly) joking when I say I’m old!

But I am experienced in my job and in my district. I’ve been around for awhile. I need to be intentional about reminding myself of that because I still feel like the brand new teacher in the oldest secondary school in our district. I still feel like the one who needs friends and mentors to help look out for her…because I do.

But I also want to be intentional about being that friend and that mentor for others. I’ve had so many myself.

Our new teachers reported to work this week. There are a lot of them. Some are brand new to teaching. Some have many years of experience. Some are excited. Some are nervous. Most are probably both. We all feel that way as we start a new adventure.

I want to encourage you to look around as we start the new year. The newest people in our schools are the future. What are we doing to help them get off to a great start?

Our kinders will someday be our 5th graders. How are we building in them the knowledge and the confidence to be our future leaders?

Our JV players will someday be our varsity teams. What relationships are we building with them now so we can have influence and impact as they progress?

Our new teachers will be our veteran teachers, and our new administrators will be our district leaders. How are we mentoring them?

This is an important week. We have the opportunity to welcome new staff and to reconnect with old friends.

Spend some time as we start the new year with those people who befriened you and who mentored you when you were new.  There is still so much to learn from them.

Seek out people who are new and befriend them and mentor them.  They are the future.  They need us, and we need them. Learn from them.  New eyes.  New ideas. New people make us better.

This work we do is hard, but it is made so much easier when someone takes us under their wings.  Appreciate those wings, and spread your own.

The Climb

There’s a reason I stop blogging for the summer. Our minds need time to rest and reflect in order to do their best thinking. Part of what I enjoy the most about working in education is the cycle of the school year. I love the excitement of a new year, and I love the renewal of the summer season.

It also helps that summer vacations are ripe with ideas for the blogging mind.

This summer I got to go back to Estes Park in Colorado. It’s one of my favorite places but getting there (especially when you are pulling a 5th wheel) is quite a climb.

You’ve no doubt heard the expression. You’ve seen it on motivational posters. You’ve probably even said it from time to time.

It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey.

It’s not about reaching the mountain top. It’s about the climb.

Great thought. Learning, training, improving at anything is truly a journey worthy in its own right. The value lies in how we grow and change and get better as human beings, not in the kudos or in the win. (Although the win feels pretty good when you’ve worked hard for it.)

I do believe that life is about the journey.

But sometimes, it is also about the destination.

I don’t really like travel days. I like to travel; I just don’t like the drive or the flight. Not many do I suppose. It is the price we pay to explore new places, to re-visit old favorites, and to look at the world through new eyes.

And it is totally worth it.

Life is that way. Sometimes we have to do things that aren’t a lot of fun. At work, at home, we have to run errands and do paperwork and spend countless hours on seemingly endless tasks. It is not fun. But the job, the home, the life is worth every second of it.

Yes, many times it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.

But sometimes, it really is about the reward for the effort.

I know that the end of summer can be hard. Hopefully you have been relaxing and playing and spending time with the people you love. Rest is a gift.

I also know that work with purpose and meaning done with like-minded people who you truly enjoy is also a gift. At least it is for me.

Embrace the journey, and embrace the destination. Remember your why and the rest tends to take care of itself.

Do You Ever Need a Montage?

I am trying to become a better golfer. I’ve been golfing for a few years, but I’ve never really worked at getting better. My goal was just to have fun…still is.

In my first year I mastered scooping up the ball as we drove by it in the cart.

In my second year I mastered picking up the ball on the green with my putter. (A friend gave me the right kind of putter which was the key.)

This year I am actually trying to improve my game. It’s a work in progress. Time at the driving range is often frustrating.

It takes time.

I was thinking what I really need is a golf montage. A motivating song. Clips of me swinging and missing. Then slowly, clips of me getting better. By the end of song, I am a master golfer. Just that easy.

But it’s not.

In the real world, things take time. Getting healthy. Training for a marathon. Learning to golf.

There are times, many times in fact, when we just wish it was as easy as a montage in a movie.

But it’s not.

If you are working toward a goal, trying to learn a new skill, walking through some hard times, persevere. It’s not as easy as a montage, but it is worth it on the other side.

The Real World

I work in education. Our goal, our hope is to help create great people. We spend a lot of our time talking about the college and career readiness skills that our children will need when they leave us.

But what about today?

I have spent the majority of my career working in middle school. I cannot tell you the number of times I have been engaged in a conversation about “what they will need to do in high school.” We focus a great deal of energy on preparing them for the next level.

But what about today?

I am not advocating that we abandon our work preparing students for what lies ahead of them. Our world needs nothing less.

But what about today?

“The real world” is not some time in the future. It is not some place where our students will one day arrive.

The real world is here and now, and whether you are 49 or 29 or 9, you are living in the real world.

Enjoy it. Delight in it. Yes, spend some time and energy preparing for what comes next. But each day is gift, and today is the goal.

We Are All a Little (or a lot) Like Coral

I had some of the best snorkeling of my life over spring break. In Roatan, Honduras I spent time swimming along the shelf of the second largest barrier reef in the world. It was incredible. I was swimming with a thousand Nemos and Dorys, and gliding above the most amazing display of corals I’ve ever seen.

Corals are alive. They are not plants or rocks or inanimate objects. They are made up of thousands of tiny animals, and those animals are fragile.

They appear tough and strong and beautiful, but one touch can kill an entire colony. Oils from our skin can destroy the unseen layer of protection that keeps them alive without a single visible piece of evidence.

People are a little (or a lot) like that as well.

We appear tough and strong and beautiful, and we are. But one comment, one social media post, one moment of disrespect from someone we trust can damage our protective layer.  Without meaning to, without even knowing we have done it in some cases, we can damage what keeps someone feeling emotionally safe.

People, and corals, are not as strong as they appear. It is why our community has spent time this year focused on the #BeKind initiative.

I guess I was just reminded that we are all a little (or a lot) like coral. Handle with care!

First Burn

I’m a Hamilton junkie. It really is addictive music. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to the soundtrack. Last summer I got to see it in Chicago. The actor who played Hamilton was amazing, but he was not Lin Manuel Miranda. And I was okay with that.

I am also a Wicked junkie. It was my musical addiction before I found Hamilton. My entire family had the chance to see it on Broadway many years ago, and I’ve seen it each and every time it has come to Omaha. But I have never seen Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth do it, and I am okay with that.

Someone (I think my sister) shared this version of First Burn from Hamilton with me a while ago.  (It is a must-listen but wait until you read this to the end.). It is indescribable. It is a version of the song performed by many of the different actresses who have played Elizabeth Schuyler (Eliza) in the show. They are as different as they are talented, and the song was a powerful reminder to me that no one person in a role, or in a job, is the only person who can do it well.

We’ve reached the point in the school year where shifts are happening. My daughter is getting a new principal. One of the best English teachers I have ever known is taking on a new role in administration. Teachers are changing grade levels and subject areas and buildings. And it is scary, and it is exciting. All at the same time.

If you are taking on a new challenge next year, embrace the excitement. The change can be the hardest thing you’ll ever do professionally, and it can be the best thing you ever do professionally. All at the same time.

If you are losing someone to one of those new roles, embrace the change. As amazing as the person in that role now is, the person who steps in next will be amazing as well. Give them a chance.

The best lesson in the song though is not the power of each individual singer.  The best lesson in the song is how much better it is when they are each in the role together. When you listen, if you are also a Hamilton junkie, or even if you are not, you will hear what I mean.  The power is in having all of their voices.

Every person leaving a role this year has also left an indelible mark on it.  Trust that your new leaders will be better because of the foundation laid by the ones leaving, and they were better because of the ones before them.  The power is in having all of their voices.

I’m sure Lin Manuel Miranda in person is a Hamilton unlike any other. It is his music after all. But I didn’t miss his voice when I saw it in Chicago. I enjoyed the person in the role at that moment. I hope you can do the same.

*Photo Credit: Hunter Phipps


I was working on ideas for a different blog yesterday when I saw Come from Away, the musical currently showing at The Orpheum. It was a surprise, a last minute invitation from a friend. Movies and musicals are my thing. I see them; I know them. But I had not even heard of Come from Away.

I learned just a few things before the show. I learned it was about Gander, Newfoundland; I learned it was about 167 planes that landed there on 9/11 when the airspace in the US was closed; I learned it was about the almost 7000 people forced to stay there for days and days and the people from Gander who cared for them.

I was worried it would be sad, and of course there were moments of sadness. But mostly it was an inspiration and a reminder that in the midst of the most horrific tragedies in our history, there were people and communities and nations supporting each other.

The arts have a way of telling our stories like few other things can. This one is a story worth telling. The show was one of those communal experiences that touches everyone and makes us one for the night.

After the show, cast members explained that when you tell this story over and over, it becomes part of who you are. As the cast and crew arrived in Nebraska, they were moved to help us. Producers are donating $1 from each ticket sold to flood relief, and Omaha Performing Arts and Broadway Across America are matching it.

The world is a good place filled with people and communities and nations willing to be there for those who need it.

Tom Brokaw told this story beautifully, and Come from Away is based on his report. I’ve linked it below. It’s a story worth watching.

Tom Brokaw 9/11 Operation Yellow Ribbon

A Letter to My Daughter on Her 24th Birthday

One of the more annoying things that happens to you when have a baby is the constant reminder to “enjoy it because it goes so quickly.”

It didn’t feel like it was going quickly when we had to put you in your swing in the middle of the night to get you to go to sleep, or when we had to record the vacuum to soothe your colic, or when I let you fall down the stairs.

But as is frequently the case, they were right.

It feels like yesterday when I would sit beside your crib and then your toddler bed saying your prayers and playing the mix tape Christy made for us. “She’s a Dancer” is forever etched in my mind.

It feels like yesterday when you and your sister got much too quiet for much too long, and we found you in your room, every square inch of it and you and your sister covered in baby powder.

And it feels like yesterday when I would worry all the time about your safety and your future and your happiness.

I don’t worry anymore.

You are more, much more, than I could ever have dreamed. You have a graduate degree and a job that (I know I’m biased) you do so well. You have a husband and a house and a whole bunch of sweet animals.

But those are not the reasons I no longer worry.

I know now how it turns out.

You are wise and smart and thoughtful and compassionate. You see people as they are, and you love them unconditionally. You surround yourself with good people, and you connect with the little ones we entrust to your care everyday.

Now I was lying just a little when I said I don’t worry anymore. I’ve come to accept that at 4 or 14 or 24, I’m still going to worry about you. You and your sister have my heart…and that will never change.  Your happiness means more to me than anything.

No wise words of wisdom in this week’s blog. Just a genuine wish that you see yourself as I see you and that you know how much you are loved.

Happy Birthday Beautiful Angel!

Grace in Victory and Dignity in Defeat

Last night the Mustangs won a state basketball championship! They’ve never done that before. It was an amazing run in the state tournament, and it was a decisive win.

But that’s not what happened for the boys earlier in the week.

The boys lost in Districts in what was literally a Sports Center moment a Sports Center moment. You have got to believe that the Warriors will remember that moment for the rest of their lives…and so will the Mustangs.

It’s one thing after an amazing quarter to have your hopes for state dashed. It’s an entirely different thing to have them dashed in the final second of the game and then watch it played over again on the national stage.

These are the moments we live for in sports, and this week the Stangs suffered a difficult loss and celebrated a win at the highest level for the first time in the school’s history. What a ride!

For one team, it will be the most exciting game of their lives. For the other team, I hope it is a moment that defines their character and their grace and their dignity in defeat.

Because we all suffer defeats…lots and lots of defeats.

One of the best things we can learn when we get knocked down is to get back up.

More important is to learn to get back up with dignity and to recognize that sometimes in our defeat lies another person’s victory. It’s not fun. Of course I wish the victory was ours. I wish our boys’ team was the one being celebrated on Sports Center, but we weren’t.

But we will be.

When we learn to fall down and rise again, when we learn to do it with class, we will be victorious.

I spent too many years watching my father root for the Cubs not to know that losing is hard.

But I also got to see them win a World Series.

There will be a time for us all to win, and in those times I hope we do it with grace and remember the sting on the other side of the court.

And there will be a time when we are the ones feeling the sting.

It was a wild ride this week, and I am proud of both those teams.

Take What the Day Gives You

I spent Saturday catching up on things around the house, watching Netflix, playing games, and curling up on the couch with a book. There was a blizzard after all, and you should always take what the day gives you.

We are campers. Nothing beats napping in a chair under the tress, reading a good book by the lake, or roasting s’mores by the fire. It relaxes me. But without fail, when my family goes on vacation, it rains. No kidding. Every time. We’ve gone camping in places that were experiencing a drought…until we got there. I have so many pictures of my children on vacation in the rain. Rain can put a damper on a camping trip unless you learn a valuable lesson.

Take what the day gives you!

A friend we camp with taught me this early in our Bounder Motorhome adventures. He found a way to enjoy naps inside when it rained or a day in the water when it was brutally hot. While I was pouting, he was embracing what the day gave us.

I love the anticipation of a party or a concert or a vacation. It helps extend the fun beyond the actual event. But when it doesn’t go as planned, I used to get disappointed. One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is to take what the day gives you.

Once I embraced what the day gave me, I could laugh when the rain fell just as our cruise ship was pulling out of the harbor or the time we rode an intense ride at Adventureland in an absolute downpour.

This weekend gave us a blizzard. I got the most amazing text just as the snow began to get heavy from a friend who was in a chair with a warm drink and a book. She was enjoying her blizzard. It really was beautiful.

The weather can mess up our plans…so can our attitude.

Take what the day gives you, and enjoy the fact that rain on every single vacation you’ve ever taken results in a ridiculously large collection of one of your children in a poncho. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of it.

Pay It Forward

I still think of myself as the young, new teacher in my first job.  I remember that feeling of being in a bit over my head, of learning, sometimes the hard way, about the art and the science of teaching, and mostly of feeling supported and cared for and nurtured.  I was surrounded by mentors.

There has never been a time in my career when I have not had others encouraging me, teachers who encouraged me to try innovative things in class, administrators who encouraged me to pursue leadership opportunities.  I have been blessed, and I still feel very much like that young, new teacher in my first job surrounded by people who raise me up and make me better.

I hope I can do the same for others.

The strongest leaders know that the success of the organization does not rest on one person.  The strongest leaders are focused on finding talent, nurturing talent, and encouraging talent.  Each one of us should be focused on others.  The more we can do to show the people in our lives that they are smart and capable and cared for and nurtured, the better our organizations will be.

Talented people are not a threat to our own success.  They make us better.  New teachers with new ideas make all teachers better.  New administrators with new ideas make all administrators better.  As the people in our lives get better, we get better.  As we focus on nurturing others, we are nurtured ourselves.

Jim Collins calls it Level 5 Leadership.  The best leaders spend their time finding the right people and helping them reach their full potential.

It feels amazing when others invest in me. It makes me feel worthy and capable and important.  I want my time to be focused on making others feel that way. I want all of us to be focused on that.


Political drama inspires me. It always has. I know every line of Hamilton, but likely more concerning is that I know almost every line from every single episode of The West Wing. It is possible I have spent too much of my life watching television and movies.

I was struck this week by a line in the Hamilton song “Non-Stop.” Alexander is trying to convince Aaron Burr to help him write The Federalist Papers, but Burr says, “The Constitution is a mess.”

The response is what got my attention. “So it needs some amendments…we have to start somewhere.”

I think there is a belief that leaders somehow have all the answers. Of course that is not true. Don’t get me wrong, I hope that people have studied and reflected and gained experiences to help them lead, but leadership in itself does not infuse you with magical powers. In most cases, leaders are just the ones who are willing to start somewhere.

And we all get it wrong sometimes…that’s why we need amendments.

Our job, all of our jobs, is to do our best with what we know at the time. It is also our job though to learn more and to do better. Leaders are learners. When we know better, we do better.

Of course Aaron Sorkin knows this too. In one of my favorite scenes of The West Wing, when discussing one of the most long-standing issues in the world, Leo says to Sam, “You’re one of the big minds of your generation. Have you thought of anything yet?”

Sam says, “No.” But he adds, “You know I’m not done thinking, right?”

As you start a new week, look for places where you can lead. Choose to be the one who is willing to start somewhere.

It Is What It Is

I’ve thought a lot this week about what I am passing on to my children. They are such bright lights in this world, and I am blessed beyond measure to have them in my life. They have grown into amazing women, and I am grateful for the part I have had in that.

We had a good week, but that will not always be the case.

As they are doing all of this adulting (as they call it), they are no doubt going to have challenges. I know I cannot protect them from hard things, but I hope that I have passed on an understanding that sometimes it is what it is.

Most things in life can be changed. Hair color, clothes, jobs, relationships. In fact, most things in life do change. It’s the very nature of things.

It is what it is, but we can almost always change it and make it better.

We can see hunger and provide food. We can see hurt and provide comfort. We can see need and provide help.

Rarely do we ever have to accept that it is what it is.

But sometimes in life it is what it is, and we can’t change it. There are things that happen that are beyond our control.

But even in those moments, we have some control.  We can control our response. We can choose to stay positive. We can choose to see the good in things. We can choose to get help when doing that is hard.

I wish with all my heart that I could wrap my children up in a bubble and keep anything hard from happening. Of course I cannot. But I can pass on this prayer…

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

New Math

I get a little nervous when I post about something I know is controversial, but what good is a blog if you aren’t willing to share your truth.  I saw a funny video on social media today.  On one side of the screen was a person solving a 2 digit multiplication problem using an algorithm.  It was quick and effective.  On the other side was a teacher showing how to solve the problem using a much more complex and time consuming method.  The point of the video was to poke fun at “new math.”

I have a different perspective on this than others, even likely in my own family.  I was good at school.  I am a visual and auditory learner, so traditional instruction worked well for me.  I was motivated and engaged, and I always wanted to please my teacher.  I took good notes and memorized algorithms, so I rocked my mathematics grade.  But I had no idea what any of it meant.  I could multiply any number of digits, divide the longest of numbers accurately, convert fractions to decimals and vice versa, all of it.  But I had no idea what any of it meant.

I have, by many measures, been successful.  (I am, by many measures, still a work in progress.)  My lack of depth in mathematics understanding has not held me back from doing what I love.  But what more could I have done if anyone had taught me not simply to use an algorithm to get to an answer.

It is not an accident that I taught language arts.  My language arts teachers did not only teach me to memorize vocabulary and regurgitate what I wrote in my notes.  They taught me to read for meaning, to analyze, to connect ideas, to think.  They taught me to use what I read to grow as a thinker and as a person.  Yes, they also taught me the foundational skills I needed to read.  I learned phonics and decoding and vocabulary.  But it didn’t stop there.  As they were teaching me those foundational skills, they also taught me the deeper communication skills that have led to my success.

I had many great teachers in mathematics, but none of them taught me the deeper skills, only the algorithms.  I don’t think I even knew that what I was learning was an algorithm.  I think I thought it was mathematics, but understanding that 37 can be easily be broken down into 30 and 7 which can be faster to manage in your mind is foundational.  Understanding that when you divide, the number gets smaller because you are, in fact, dividing the number up is foundational.  No one talked to me about those things.  “Check your work.”  I learned an algorithm for that.  Multiply to check your answer in division.  Easy.  But if I had understood the foundational things, I would have been able to look at the answer and decide if it even made sense.

My father understands this.  So do my brother and my sister.  They are “good at math.”  What that really means is that they knew instinctively, without being explicitly taught, the deeper skills.  They sorted it out for themselves.  I did not.  Again, I got good grades in mathematics, but I remember the frustration when my father would try to help me with my homework.  He understood something that I did not.  But neither of us knew that at the time.

We know better now.

We must teach foundational skills, in language arts and mathematics and all areas.  We must teach phonemic awareness, decoding, vocabulary, fluency, and comprehension.  We must teach number sense and procedural and fact fluency through a variety of strategies including, yes, algorithms. No one does lattice math in everyday life.  Our teachers are striving to help all students understand not just how they got an answer, but why. So we also teach inquiry and reasoning and communication skills.

Our teachers are working to create the thinkers and inventors and scientists and mathematicians and philosophers of the future.

Nothing is as simple as a social media post makes it…especially not mathematics.


Why Is the Sky Blue?

I was on hold this week with an institution that works primarily with children.  The hold message was cute, all about those crazy questions that young children ask.  At the end of the message they said, “But we still haven’t figured out why the sky is blue,”


We know why the sky is blue.  Scientists began answering this question in the 1800s.  Tyndall, Rayleigh, Einstein.   If you’d like a simple answer: NASA Spaceplace . If you’d like a more complex answer: Scientific America.

I know this wasn’t a science lesson; it was a marketing message.  But our messages matter, and our youngest learners are capable of far more than we think sometimes.

We walk a line with children.  The line between wonder and awe and knowledge and understanding.  Do we want our children to be inspired and mystified by a sunset?  Or do we want them to know why the sky burns red?


We want them to do both.

As educators our job is to inspire and to inform and, best of all, to help curious learners discover things on their own.

Curiosity creates hungry learners who are engaged and interested in learning the why.  Wonder and awe has inspired some of our greatest knowledge and some of our most beautiful works of art and literature and music.

We know these are intertwined.  We know that students who study music are often better mathematicians.  We know that when students write about something or speak about something or draw something, they are more likely create greater understanding. It’s why we teach science and art, and science in art, and art in science.

We can, and must, both inspire and inform.  The best of us empower students to ask amazing and complex and difficult questions, and then help them develop the skills to find the answers.

Why is the sky blue?  Curious and engaged learners found the answer to this most challenging question.  What question will your students answer?



There is a feeling of hope that comes with the anticipation of a new year. There is a sense that whatever happened in the old year is done and gone and this next year can be something entirely new.  (This, by the way, is also my favorite thing about school years. They start and stop, and we get the chance to rebuild and re-imagine.)

One word



There are many ways to define that thing we do as the calendar turns over, but essentially they are all about choosing a focus for the new year.

This year my one word, my resolution, my focus is positivity.

I cannot control most of the events in our world, but I can work to influence where possible.

I cannot control many of the things that happen to my family and friends and colleagues and students, but I can support them in the good and bad times.

I cannot control the people around me, but I can control myself.

This is not the first year that I have chosen positivity as my word.  In fact, I have set this as a goal many times.  But I am older, and hopefully wiser, and I understand better now what a challenge this can sometimes be.  There was a time when people called me Pollyanna.  There was time when I believed that all I had to do was want to be positive, and I would see the glass as always half full.

I know better now.  Positivity is a choice, but it is a choice to behave in ways that make it more likely to be successful.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”

There are many things in life that I cannot control.  But there are many things I can.

I can control what I eat.  I have such a better outlook on things when I’ve made healthier choices in food.

I can control whether or not I work out.  It’s not about looking better (although I do have my eye on a new swimsuit), but I feel better all day when I have moved in the morning.

I can control how long I sleep at night.  It is almost always harder to deal with daily stress when I am tired.

I can control whether or not I take the time to meditate.  I’ve come to believe in the power of mindfulness to influence my reactions to things.  (Check out the Headspace app sometime.)

And I can ask for help when I need it.

My work, my relationships, my life are all more enjoyable when I engage in them with positivity.  A goal without a plan is just a wish.

I have a plan.  What’s yours?

5th Grade Reflections

A 5th grade class adopted me this year.  I’m not sure I can put into words how grateful I am for purposeful time spent with students in a classroom.  I joined them for World Foods Day, and then I had the chance to spend some time writing with them.  They were curious and kind and funny and thoughtful.

They have dogs and cats and brothers and sisters and many, many ideas about the world.

They love sports and swimming and playing the trombone and the violin and the piano.  They love to write and draw and cheer.

Some of them love Fortnite; some of them hate Fortnite.

And they love their teacher.  (She is one of the best!)

We talked about the blog and why I like to write.  We talked about telling your story and about sharing your voice.  We talked about making things personal.

I asked them to spend a little time reflecting on the things from 2018 that made them grateful.  Gratitude can help shape our view of the passing year.  Sure, some hard things likely happened, but some amazing things happened too.

Finishing all of the Golden Sowers.

Visiting California’s Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Getting my loving, crazy ball of fluff who is a black, brown, and white dachshund named Belle.

Going farther on grandma’s farm than I have ever gone before felt like a brave adventure.

Meeting my best friend in the whole world.

Going on a train to the top of Pike’s Peak and fishing on the mountain where the water was so clear.

Feeling happy and relaxed sitting by a sparkling lake surrounded by my wonderful family.

Going to Disney World.

Seeing the beautiful Pacific Ocean and palm trees.

Eating macaroons for dessert with my friends on my birthday.

Getting an awesome teacher who likes to read books and who I get to see almost every day.

We also spent a little time (but not nearly enough) talking about their hopes for the new year.

A trip to Paris.

The Eagles winning the Super Bowl.

The Huskers winning a bowl game (the Huskers going to a bowl game).

Of course there were hopes for things.  Dogs, cats, trips, games.  But more of them hoped for things less tangible.

A good middle school year.

A new friend.

A great life for my family and a great life for me.

And more than a few of them shared this hope…that everyone will be kind.

Out of the mouths of babes, but these were hardly babes.  These are young adults poised to finish the elementary years with courage and perseverance and grace.  They are smart and wise, not always the same thing.  They are young enough to argue about Fortnite and old enough to discuss friendship and kindness.  And they reminded me once again about the importance of our work.

I am grateful for the young people in our schools, and I am grateful for the adults who are helping shape their lives.  And I am grateful to the 5th grade class who adopted me this year!

happy new year


Why I Live Where the Air Hurts My Face

As the weather took a sharp turn this month, I’ve been asking myself the same question.  Friday it was sunny and 54; Saturday it was snowing.  Nebraska weather is never boring.  One day you can be in shorts and flip-flops and the next you’ll need a winter coat.

So why do I live where the air hurts my face?  The week of Thanksgiving seems like the right time to share my answer.

I live in a place where there are four, beautiful, colorful, seasons…sometimes in the course of one week.

I live in a place with wide open prairies and Sandhills and rock formations and forests and rivers and lakes.

I live in a place where you can stand under a waterfall while you tube down the river or cross country ski for miles.

I live in a place where people are kind. Strangers hold doors open and compliment your boots and smile at you and say thank you.

I live in a place with small towns and big cities. Urban, suburban, and rural.

I live with family and friends and neighbors and colleagues.

I live with people who care about me and people for whom I would do anything.

And so do you.

I’m grateful for my family.  And my friends.

I’m grateful for my aunt who came to town to be with her sister when she had surgery.

I’m grateful that surgery was successful and that healing is beginning.

I’m grateful for the people at Makin’ Waves where I’ve been getting my hair done for 30 years.

I’m grateful I have a job with purpose that I love doing.

I’m grateful for the Huskers and for Husker fans who stay to the end of the game even though it’s freezing and snowing and we’ve had a losing season.

I’m grateful for the abundance that is my life.

And yours.

I am also grateful to live in a place that recognizes we have to be intentional about a focus on being kind and addressing mental health issues and ensuring people have food and shelter and healthcare and a quality education.

If I am not able to say it to you directly this week, I am grateful for you!

And I am grateful I live where the air hurts my face.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Play the Game and Move On

It’s state championship season. Softball is done. Volleyball was this weekend. Football is coming up. All state musicians have been selected, and state marching band winners have been announced. The fall is winding down, and the next season is gearing up.

Some of our teams won.

Some of our teams lost.

That’s how it works.

Our students are engaged. Some of them played football and then at halftime stepped onto the field to play in the marching band. Some of them played softball and are now on a basketball court every day.

Some of them have a state championship.

Some of them never will.

But we know that being engaged in school activities pays dividends, whether you win a state championship or not.

It is a connection, a place to belong. It instills work ethic and perseverance and grit. It builds relationships and teamwork and collaboration and communication skills. Students who are engaged in activities have higher GPAs and fewer behavior incidents and better attendance, whether you win a state championship or not.

In life sometimes we get the job, sometimes we beat our best time in the half marathon, sometimes we reach our goals. And sometimes we don’t.

Learning that the journey is more important than the destination makes us better people.

Set goals.

Make a plan.

Work hard.

Then play the game and move on. The next journey awaits.

I am thrilled for the Mustang volleyball team. Two state championships in three years is an incredible accomplishment. I hope they savor the moment and enjoy the win. And then I hope they move on. The next journey awaits.

Counting our Scars

Someone asked me about my scar this week.  Not the one on my chin from the time I fell up the stairs.  Not the one on my leg from the time I missed when I was climbing over the chairs at Rosenblatt.  Not the one on my arm from the unfortunate mishap with a pair of scissors.  The big one.

It got me thinking.  I have a lot of scars.  (I may have passed clumsiness on to at least one of my children.)  Big scars.  Little scars.  Scars that healed well.  Scars that did not.  I’m guessing you have them too.

Life leaves scars.  And scar tissue.

Scar tissue helps repair our body. New tissue forms to replace the injured.  Then in time scar tissue breaks down, and you regain the flexibility that can be limited by it.  Such is life.

But sometimes releasing that takes work, and releasing scar tissue is necessary for our healing.

I have worked out much of the scar tissue in my body.  I think we are always trying to work out the scar tissue in our lives.

But I don’t mind my scars.  They’ve made me who I am.


A great listen about not dwelling on your scars…Kenny Chesney’s  I’m Alive



As November nears, I am reflecting on a conversation a friend and I had when we were assistant principals together in a middle school.  The beginning of a school year is busy, but there was this magical time after conferences and before winter break where there seemed to be a lull.  We talked about how we should probably be using this time to get ahead.  Once January hits there is almost a feeling of a race to the end.  Things move fast, so it would make perfect sense to use this time to get ahead.

But we needed rest.  We needed time to just be in our school and in our lives.   We needed time with students and teachers.  We needed time with family and friends.  We needed to recharge.  We made a conscious choice not to use the lull to work ahead.  (We made the same decision on snow days by the way.)  We made the conscious decision to just enjoy the moment.

We did not regret it.

Every job is different, even within one school.  People find their lulls at different times of the year based on the work they do or the things happening in their lives.  But it is essential to our overall health and well-being that we find them.

If this is a busy time for you, I hope you are able to find a small lull in an otherwise busy week.

If this is not a busy time for you, I hope you able to enjoy the lull.

Busy is an epidemic.  Once in a while, we need to be calm and be still to be well.


Slow and Steady Wins the Race

This week was state cross country, so it hardly seems fair to say that slow and steady wins the race.  But more times than not, when looking at a situation over time, slow and steady wins the race.

Cross country student athletes have been running for months to prepare for that race.

Marching bands have been waking up at the crack of dawn to practice since summer.

Our students have been putting in the time to prepare and our coaches and directors have been putting in the work to help them grow. So many fall activities are reaching their peak right now.  As we watch the final moments, it’s easy to forget the work that went into the moment.

That’s what I took from the Husker win this week.  After the first game, we’ll technically after the second game, I blogged about hoping the coach and the student athletes would stay Calm in a Crisis.

We live in a state that takes its college football seriously.  I can only imagine the pressure the team feels every year. But the only way to win is to take it slow and steady.  One practice at a time.  One lesson at a time. One moment at a time.  That’s how you change a culture.

Any culture.

There is a powerful lesson in that for us as leaders.  Vision becomes reality slowly.  It takes calm, consistent focus.

Pause long enough to recognize where you are on your own journey.  It’s true that a journey of a thousand miles behind with a single step.  Each one of those steps matters.

October Again

Last week I made a decision. I was not going to write about October for the 4th year in a row. I posted a past blog and was going to take the month off. But all week October was on my mind, and all week I felt like I wanted to write. Writing is something I truly enjoy, and it has become one of the ways I process the world.

During the week when fun things happen and when hard things happen, I listen for a blog.

I long ago stopped looking at the stats. I write for myself, and I write in the hope that in any given week there may be a message that resonates with someone else the way it has resonated with me.

So once again I am writing about October. I am writing about how I am overcome by the beauty. I visited my sister this week. She lives in the house where we grew up. As soon as I pulled into her driveway, I was reminded why Halloween is my favorite holiday. Her house is amazing. Images of the season are everywhere. It was that way growing up as well.

There is always a week in October when the leaves suddenly shift and begin to change color and fall to the ground. This was that week. It was cold and rainy for much of the week, but yesterday was beautiful. I started writing this outside in our backyard.

Of course today is a different story. Such is October. Such is life.

This month is busy. Always has been in our schools, so it always has been for me. But this month is also state championships and concerts and pumpkin patches and campfires. It is warm and cool and colorful and full of transitions. Embrace them.

It’s conference week. Teachers are finalizing grades and making preparations. There will be staff development, and there will be a long and well-deserved weekend.

This week when I noticed the leaves and when I noticed the stress, I listened for a blog.

And I heard the reminder that the earth is beautiful and that life is good and that while I know that stress and sadness are real, I also know that hope and help are real. October is my month, and I am once again happy to share that in a blog.

My Newspaper Came in a Ziploc Bag

It was raining hard that day. By the time I got home from work and picked up the newspaper from the driveway, I couldn’t imagine there would be anything left of it. Then I noticed it was inside of a Ziploc bag.

This has been a progression for the last few weeks. It has been raining quite a bit. First I noticed that there were two orange bags surrounding the newspaper on rainy days. Then I noticed that there was a bag with a rubber band around it and a second bag with a rubber band around it when it was raining outside. Finally this week there was a bag with a rubber band, another bag with a rubber band, and it was inside of a Ziploc bag sealed at the top. That newspaper was dry despite being outside in the rain for probably 10 hours.

I guess I was just surprised that the person who delivers our newspaper had gone to such lengths to keep it dry for us.

Talk about work ethic!

I don’t take enough time to thank the people in my life.  I am surrounded by friends and family and coworkers (and apparently newspaper carriers) who go above and beyond every day.

I am grateful for each and every one of you.  Thank you for inspiring me to always try to do my best.

Not My Circus

Every day any number of issues cross my path. Personal, professional. Big, small. The same is true for all of us.  Friends confide in us. Colleagues process through issues with us. Angry people vent to us.

A large portion of my job is to handle those issues.

But there are times when those issues are not mine to resolve. There are times when my role is to listen and to support but to stay quiet.

I tend to leap to trying to solve any problem in front of me, and that is not always the right thing to do.

I was reminded this week (okay last week…remember that technology ate the first version of this blog) that sometimes the best thing to do is to pause and give others the space to solve their own problems.

I am actually taking opportunities away from my friends and my colleagues when I suggest a solution.  First of all, my idea may very well not be as good as the idea from the person most directly involved.  Second, we get better every time we have to wrestle with a hard decision or tackle a difficult situation ourselves.

I have had amazing coaches and leaders in my life who have forced me to solve my own problems.  As many times as I have wanted to be “rescued” by someone else when faced with something hard, I have grown the most when left to handle it myself.  I need to allow the space necessary for people to work things out themselves.

Another thing happens when we insert ourselves in situations that are not ours to own.  We take on the emotion and the stress of the situation.  I believe empathy and compassion are essential.  We are better people when we care.  But taking on the stress of a situation that is not ours is not healthy.  We have enough of our own issues and enough of our own stress.

When I am working through an issue, there are moments when I need to give myself space to remove the emotional response, sort out my feelings on an issue, and plan for my next steps.

And I need to pause long enough to give others the same opportunity.  It “doesn’t diminish the relationship.  It is really quite the opposite.”

Calm in a Crisis

It wouldn’t be the opening weekend of the Husker football season (we all know last week didn’t count) if I didn’t at least mention the game and Coach Frost.

Calm. Cool. Collected. That’s what I’m hoping for from the coach. That’s what I’m hoping for the 18 year old true freshman quarterback…and the walk-on back-up who stepped in during the final minutes.  There will be ups. There will be downs. Stay calm.

There were two things my parents heard at parent teacher conferences every year when I was a child. I talk. And I have energy. They usually said I talk too much, and they usually said I said have too much energy.

I own both of those comments. Then and now.

As a leader there are times when those traits help me, and there are times when those traits get in my way.

I have had to learn (and am still learning) to listen.

And I have had to learn (and am still learning) to be calm.

Leadership is fraught with moments of mini and sometimes very real crisis. In those moments, listening and being calm are essential.

I saw it Saturday in the Husker game even though we did not get the result we wanted.  And I see it daily in our district.

Great leaders are like ducks calmly gliding along the water while paddling beneath the surface. Notice I did not say paddling wildly or frantically or madly (you’ve heard all the expressions), just paddling. We’re all just paddling.

A leader in our district said it like this in a recent great blog, “do not underestimate the impact of a calm demeanor in a stressful situation.”

As the intensity of a situation rises, my instinct is to increase my own intensity. In fact the opposite is what most people need from me in those moments. They need me to be intentionally calm. They need me to listen, to seek to understand the situation, to make a decision, and to act. I’ve written in the past about these ooda loops. They also need me to take care of myself, so I can take care of them.

There will be ups. There will be downs. Stay calm, cool, collected.

I have a long way to go with this. But I’m working on it.

Labor Day

I went to the Old Dominion concert at the Nebraska State Fair last Friday. More on the State Fair in a future blog I’m sure, but for now, lessons I’ve learned from Old Dominion.

I’m relatively new to country music, and Old Dominion has been my favorite from the beginning. I first fell in love with their music, but now I’m in love with their joy.

In some ways they are new to fame. In fact, they have only released two full-length albums. The first time I saw them in concert (in a hallway at Ralston Arena- seriously- those of you who were there can attest to this) half of what they sang were “covers.”

But they weren’t your typical covers. Old Dominion is made up of songwriters, and the band was formed to showcase the music they wrote. Every one of those covers was a song that they wrote.  They sing their own songs now, but almost every country singer you know has sung their songs. Luke Bryan, Blake Shelton, Cole Swindell. People knew their songs, but people didn’t know them.

Most would credit the Sirius Radio station The Highway with much of their success. Break Up With Him got serious airtime.

The rest is history as they say.

About this time, those of you who can’t stand country music are wondering why any of this matters. Well first of all, there is a serious rock and even a hip hop feel to some of their music. But musical taste aside, there is a joy to their music, and especially to their performances, that inspires me.

They love what they do. I mean they really love it. You can hear it, see it, feel it. There is joy that is contagious.

I want that for all of us. I want our labor to be a labor of love.

I’m not naive. I know that we work because we have to buy food and housing and clothing. We work to contribute to an economy. And there are times when the work we do is hard. But I want to go to work most days with the same joy I felt at the O.D. concert on Friday.

I guess I was just reminded on Labor Day that our work can also be a joy!

The Wood Behind the Arrow

Our city came together this week to acknowledge that we could all use a little more kindness in our lives. #BeKind was a citywide effort to shine a light on the ability of a kind word, a kind action, a kind moment to change things for a person who is struggling…or anyone for that matter.

Our schools were emblazoned with #BeKind shirts and murals and posters and rocks. There were clever videos and social media posts. Parents and businesses joined in the movement. It was everywhere.

But what overwhelmed me was not the cuteness, although there was plenty of cuteness to go around.

What overwhelmed me was the wood behind the arrow. I learned that phrase a few years ago on a visit to Apple. It’s all about the effort, the resources, the wood behind the arrow of an idea or a product. An arrow with no wood behind it goes nowhere. An idea with no depth, no substance, goes nowhere. Last night as we were talking about the day a friend reminded me about the wood behind the arrow.

Yesterday was about more than a slogan. Schools talked about HOW to be kind. There were resource fairs where our students learned about volunteer opportunities. They wrote cards and opened doors and shared things they like about their classmates. There was action, tangible action, to BE kind. There was wood behind the arrow.

I am grateful to the city and school leaders who started the conversations and paved the way for the initiative. I am grateful for the teachers and counselors and principals and student leaders who put real thought and creative energy behind designing meaningful activities for the day. And I am grateful for the simple idea that kindness matters.

Sometimes we think making the world a better place is complicated. And I am well aware that we have complex issues that require complex solutions. But in fact, the world is made better with each individual act of kindness. Act where you are. Smile when you can. Hold the door open. Make eye contact and thank people who show you kindness. Say please and thank you. Assume the best of the people you meet. And never ever forget that “everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

Thank you for being kind to me. I hope I am kind to you. I know that this week was a good reminder that no act of kindness is ever wasted.